What is it about playing cards in a casino that makes everyone a little more friendly than they are in real life? Whenever you are sitting at a blackjack table, a new player will come over to sit down and say, “How`s everybody doin`?” Then everyone at the table gives some big, cheerful answer about how much they are up or down, happy or sad, gay or straight. This never happens anywhere else. The next time you are at Applebee`s, walk up to four guys at a table and say, “Hey, how`s everybody doin`?” After they are done raping you in the men`s room, you will probably realize that they are not doing too well. Then you will realize that you are not doing too well either. After you are finished wiping your tears and your ass, mosey on over to a construction site and say to the apes that are leaning against machines instead of actually working them and say, “Hey, how you guys doin`?” My guess is they will all, in unison, reply, “Go fuck yourself!” Maybe it`s the potential to win millions that puts everyone at ease and makes them more gregarious. Maybe it`s the showgirls and hookers. Maybe it`s the Vicodin and Miller Lite. Whatever it is, I like it. Sometimes I don`t even play. I will just walk up to card table after card table and say, “Hey, how you guys doin`?” Then right when they all start answering, I briskly walk away. They are all left sitting there with their pleasantries spilling out all over the green felt like guts.

While I am speaking about guts, why is it that ASIAN dealers seem to have a knack for making everyone uncomfortable? Asking one of these dealers, “How much do I have,” makes me feel like a fucking third grader while they exhale loudly through their noses and murmur, “Fifteen,” under their breath as they look at some imaginary clock on the wall across the casino. So what if it`s only a ten and a five, I was never good at math. They don`t have to be so pompous about it is all I`m saying. Another thing about Asian dealers is they are the world`s best blackjack players. They never lose. If Asian blackjack dealers would simply slide over to the other side of the table, they would all be fucking billionaires. Maybe that`s why they are all so angry and aloof: They can`t sit in your seat. While you stumble your way through whether or not to double down on a thirteen while the dealer is showing a six, they are watching their children`s college tuition go from your pockets to the casino cash drawer night after night. If you get the chance, make sure you ask an Asian dealer, “Hey, how ya doin`?” They will look at you like you just tongued their mother`s ass. Maybe you did. If so, how the hell would they know right away? I am not sure where I am going with this, but I am in Vegas and started typing this blog to amuse anyone that comes to my website, and now I am trapped like Aaron Neville`s cock in his tight denim jeans (even that last joke made no sense). Oh, I get it now. I`m tired. Good night to all of you, and remember to tongue the asses of Asian blackjack dealers` mothers when you are in Vegas. And vote. Remember to vote, also.
Jay