Tommorow I am flying to Miami. That means by the time you read this I will be one of three thing:
1. In Miami
2. Home from Miami
3. Dead

Thats right I am calling my own shot. I very may well die in an airplane tommorow. Actually I may die in a cornfield or a mattress factory but I am referring specificly to the air travel.

If I do die, you can have this read at my funeral. How spoooky! If this is going to be read at my funeral I should spice it up a little and get somethings off my chest.

To Michael: I never really liked you. I started hanging out with you when we were in highschool because you had a car. When I lost my lisence in 89 you still had that car so I kept you on board. After that you were just sort of hard to shake. Don`t get me wrong, I liked the reefer and the games of scrabble but for the most part I never really liked you.

To Becca: I was never really pregnant. As terrible as it sounds, I faked my pregnancy because I knew it would make you kill yourself. I am sorry it didn`t work like you had planned (its hard to know which limb on the tree is the strongest) but I am glad you have recieved mental health and are begining your crafts business.

To mom and dad: I apologize for masturbating in your bed when yoou weren`t home.

To mom and dad: I apologize for masturbating in your bed when you were home.

To mom and dad: I didn`t ever mean to frighten you when I caught you masturbatinng in my bed when I unexpectedly came home. I thought you were the dog.

To Mark Shapiro: GO FUCK YOUR SELF

To all my fans: Thank you for all the support you showed me through the years. You even watched Pluto Nash when it was on free TV. I personally have never seen the movie, so kudos to you.

To Nik: We died together. I find this appropriate since we were both born together. I love you.
Jay