Thank you everyone that has been reading my columns on si.com I really enjoy being able to work from my guest bedroom for twenty minutes a week.

I am going to tell the almighty web master, Steve Axworthy to stop sending the weekly reminders to read my columns because I realized it may be a bit annoying to receive the same message every week. I also received a few emails (yes, I am back to reading them again) wondering why I don`t add a joke each week to go along with the column announcement. Good question. An old man, maybe 100 years old is sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. A jogger passes by and sees the weeping senior. The jogger stops and asks, “Old man, what`s wrong?” The old man cries out, “I just celebrated my one hundredth birthday. I married a young, beautiful stripper with giant breasts and an amazing body. Every morning she cooks me breakfast and makes love to me until I fall asleep. At lunch time she makes love to me again and cooks me a wonderful meal.” The old man keeps crying and says, “After a giant dinner, she draws me a warm bath and massages me until I fall asleep. In the morning she does it all over again.” The jogger says, “I don`t understand old man. This all sounds so great. Why are you crying?” The old man wipes away his tears and cries out, “I can`t remember where I live!” Bu du bum.

I have retired from stand up comedy so you can stop asking me when I am coming to your town…I`m not. Please stop sending me script submissions. They are instantly deleted. Other than that, you may find the DVD commentary of KING`S RANSOM to be worth the misery of the actual acting in the film. We were all pretty baked and had a funny ass time recording the commentary. My si.com articles are posted every Wednesday if you are so inclined please enjoy.

Regards, Jay Mohr.
The funniest guy retired from stand up comedy.