I have been a member of MySpace now for about two months and feel strongly that the name should be changed to MYCRACK. Holy mother of God! I never thought at thirty five years old I would be in the grips of addiction. I never thought at thirty five years old I would be in the grips of an addiction to something that does not get me high and is FREE.

MYCRACK has ruined me. The house has water damage and I probably should hire a contractor to come up and fix them but that would involve me removing myself from my computer screen long enough to make a phone call.

My kids meals consist of things that I can make fast enough to get back to my messages and comment pages as quickly as possible. Yogurt, bread and grapes have become my sons` only food options. They are quick enough to make so I don`t miss any more quality time typing messages to porn stars (they NEVER reply by the way). If my son has a problem with his new diet he will have to go live with his mother. At least temporarily because I see that she (California`s newest millionaire) is on MySpace too and it will only be a matter of time before the addiction puts a stranglehold on her too!

Nothing has ever so completely dominated my life before. Not sports, not booze, not drugs or porn. MYCRACK has become my only true friend. Where else can I get random pictures sent to me from strange girls in their bras? Where else but MYCRACK can I rush home from a long day on a movie set to see if Perry Farrell approved me as his friend?

I LOVE MYCRACK!

Many of you have messaged me on MYCRACK asking me about stand up and club dates and my si.com articles. The answer to all of your questions is I DON`T FUCKING KNOW! Go ask someone else! I have 3,000 friends to entertain!

I am supposed to get married in the winter to my lovely and beautiful fiancé. I am wondering how long this love affair with MYCRACK will last before it all comes crashing down around me? Maybe I can get that TOM guy from MYCRACK to be my best man. I can work MYCRACK into my vows maybe too!
“Do you Nikki, take Jay, and MYSPACE to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
I hope she says yes because if not it will be the fucking highway for her too! Anyone that gets in the way of me and my MYCRACK life style is in for a rude awakening.

MySpace understands me! MySpace knows what I need all day and night (messages from BellaDonna are nice)

For all of you currently on MySpace, I welcome you to hell! If your boss only knew you had 325 friends at just the click of a mouse, he would surely give you the corner office.

I have to end this blog abruptly because I realized as I was typing that I am not currently on MYCRACK and you know how daddy gets when he doesn`t get his medicine.
Jay