ONTARIO?
Well, I have finally made the big time.
I have played Ontario…California.
Not Ontario Canada. That would have been too normal. Snow, Loonies, “how’s it goin` eh?” you know, Canadian stuff.
No, the Ontario I am referring to is located in the Inland Empire…or the I.E. as the locals call it as they drive past in their lowered Honda Civics. Ontario California, unless you have been there is darn near impossible to describe. It`s sort of like Patterson New Jersey
with mountains…and Mexicans. There are a lot of Mexicans in Ontario. There are no Mexicans in Patterson New Jersey. There are a lot of Puerto Ricans in Patterson New jersey. There are no Puerto Ricans in Ontario California. There is a big cultural difference between Mexicans and Puerto Ricans. For example, Puerto Ricans wear swim trunks when they go in the ocean. For some reason Mexicans like to go in the ocean wearing blue jeans and an Ozzy Osbourne t-shirt.
I want to thank all of you that came out to my shows at the Improv in Ontario California. I had a pretty good time. Usually at this point in the email/blog I would say, “I had the BEST time!!” or “You guys were the BEST!!!!” but in Ontario I thought that the audiences were just okay. I had about a half hour of brand new material, which I thought was hilarious. So hilarious that I decided to perform it for six shows straight.
Well, 4 out of those 6 shows were fantastic. The other two, not so much.
When the crowd had a lot of Mexicans in it, the shows were raucous. When the shows were filled with only whites (first show Friday and 7pm show Sunday) we seemed to have hit a snag. You see my act these days is pretty much making fun of blacks, Mexicans, Asians, Jews, Arabs, whites and pinstripes… I was surprised to learn that when the “minority races” where predominantly in attendance, the shows were freaking CRAZY!
When the shows were filled with all white people, it got uncomfortable.
Maybe it was because in the I.E. everyone already agrees with my jokes
and doesn’t realize that I am making a parody of the stripping of the
first amendment lately (see Don Imus, Opie and Anthony).
IF I come back to the Inland Empire, the I.E. Ontario, PLEASE leave
your whites at home. We are trying to have a good time.
the hit your site is taking from me right now is due to me reading between the lines during the jim rhome show today that you wanted people to check this out. honestly…that two legged dog freaks the living hell out of me. i actually cringed when i saw it WALKING around. it forced me to play my stephen king’s "it" dvd and tell pennywise the clown that he will no longer be the demon that wakes me in the middle of the night. haha. anyways, funny and good shit from you in everything i’ve seen you in and when i saw ya at S.U. a few years back. keep up the good stuff man. Jim
Slam man, I never have checked out your site till the other day listening to you on Romes’ show. I have been listening to romey for more than ten years now, and my man, you are the best sub!! I make sure I make the time to listen when your sub’ing for jim. Wish you could get your own show or sub more often…what’s his face, Andrew yeah, that dude puts me to sleep when he’s on. Romey’s gotta do something about him. Anyway, I live here in the north bay…and am looking forward to catchin your show, in San Fran. Maybe something a lil more inland next time…traffic to the city sucks!!!! Later Jay…keep it up.
Dude…my husband and I would have laughed our asses off, and we’re white. Trust me, we live in the SF Bay Area. We’d be the loudest ones in the audience!