My wife and I love documentaries. The problem is, no one really makes them anymore. I just watched “The Filth and The Fury, The Story of The Sex Pistols” that was very good. I had to put some type of “rocumentary” on to cleanse my self of the abomination that was “Shine A Light” by Martin Scorcese. My hopes were SO high on this one. Arguably the greatest director of all time documenting The Greatest Rock and Roll Band in the World. It fucking sucked. It was actually pretty embarrassing. I had hoped for greatness. I had hoped for real, gritty, behind the scenes with The Rolling Stones “fly on the wall” type stuff. What I got was an hour of Mick Jagger acting like a special boy having a tantrum. When I watch the Rolling Stones perform, especially when I am watching through the eyes of Martin Freaking Scorcese, I expect to see KEITH and RONNIE!!!! I want to see the two swashbucklers doing what they do best, picking and grinning and trying to out do each other at the same time as they make room for each other between the bars of music. These guys are probably the last ACTUAL remaining pirates. Instead I had to suffer through a BORING concert movie.If anyone really needs to see Mick Jagger in Honky Tonk woman one more time then they stink too. In the beginning of the “documentary” there is a brief argument between Mick and Marty about what the set list will be for that night’s show. What difference does it make? We all know by now that the stones are just going to trot out the tired old greatest hits and pick up their checks. Even if Martin Scorcese would rather film Moonlight Mile.

 Please leave comments below with what documentaries you have enjoyed. Lately I have really loved: YOU’RE GONNA MISS ME. JIM JONES. BROTHER’S KEEPER. ENDLESS SUMMER (one ad two) and if you really want a weird one that will get you to tear up out of nowhere, try SPEEDO.

JJ

I just finished watching a documentary on THE WHO. I forget the name but it is the one that is out now. This thing was TREMENDOUS! The bonus extras were four, individual shorts based on the way each member of the band plays. For example, The Edge explaining the brilliance of Pete Townsed as well as Eddie Vedder chiming in. Lots of drummers explaining the genius of Keith Moon too. I am no drummer (although I did learn the Greg Kihn catalogue for THE GROOMSMEN, but apparantly switching your feet on the base drum in mid song is supposed to be near impossible. Keith Moon did it for fun.

I started wondering about guys that are greater than the rest of the people in their band but don’t nesseccaraly get the accolades. FOR EXAMPLE: THE EDGE is just a WITCH at guitar and all of his wa-was and toys. I think he plays live with at least 14 pedals as well as a machine that re threads sounds through the dat so he can play over something he just finished. Everyone in U2 have to know that the Edge blows all of them away as far as talent goes, right? DO they talk about it?

Did The Who ever talk about how they would have been just as cool without Roger Daltry? I am am sucker for power trios..(Nirvanna, The Police, The James Gang etc…) I really believe The Who may have been BETTER without Daltry.

Did everyone in Guns and Roses all know at the same time that Axl Rose sucked? How do you bring that up in the next “house meeting”? Don’t start dropping “Ringo Starr was the luckiest guy in the world!!” comments on me. he was the perfect drummer and the perfect PERSONALITY for the Beatles. He wouldn’t say shit if he had a mouth full of it which was great for the Paul/John dynamic.

Sometimes you are so good that you work your way OUT fo a band (Mick Taylor of the Stones)

Anyway, check out the documentary of the who if you get a chance.
Pretty facinating. Or you could go to youtube and look at project gary
and leave a comment

Jay

Hey everybody.Good things going on over here. I just found out that my new show for CBS will be on Wednesday nights at 8:30 after “The New Adventures of Old Christine”.

My show is called “PROJECT GARY”. I play Gary. This show is really funny. Here is a link to a clip HERE (just click on ‘Project Gary’ under Wednesday at 8:30).

God bless. jj

I have seen Satan. Beelzebub. The guy in red. I saw the devil on my television set and was stunned to see that he has three heads. I also was a bit surprised that he could play piano, guitar and keyboards. The devil is the Jonas Brothers.

Holy SHIT. What the hell happened?!!? I listen to one Black Crowes album and these queers pop up while I am gone? WOW! First of all, I love that they have curly, white guy afro hair but the middle brother irons his flat and straight. I love that the oldest brother looks like he could be Lindsey Buckingham from Fleetwood Mac. I love that I get to tell you right now that Fleetwood Mac suck only a LITTLE less than these fucking Jonas Brothers.

I looked at their wikpedia page and saw they were from New Jersey. That ruined
my day. The knowledge that my homested spat out these three canadian looking, vest wearing, beating taking brothers is hard to swallow.

If I ever see any of the Jonas Brothers in person I will punch them in their fucking acneed faces. Holy mother of God.  If I was ever lucky enough to see all three of them at once I would punch until my forearms were numb.

By the way, my favorite Jonas brother is Nick.  He is the really talented one that plays the piano and sings the best. He’s only 16 I think and he is freaking adorable.

Jay

My entire house is filled with sick people. (except for the dog…she just died.) Ten days ago the pediatrician told us my son had Pneumonia. GRREEAATT! My wife and I brought him home and plugged in his Nebulizer. A nebulizer is an inhaler that is motorized and you plug it into the wall. You fill the cap with some type of breathing steroid and keep the mouthpiece in your mouth for about five minutes. My poor son had to do this every six hours. He looked like he was smoking a pipe while watching Spongebob with that damn thing in his mouth…smoke coming out the back end of it.

My boy started to get a little better. We have a wonderful pediatrician named Dr. Alison Mann who actually makes HOUSECALLS!!!!!!! (imagine that parents!) Dr. Mann came to the house Saturday to pick up the nebulizer and to give a follow up check up on the boy. While she was here in my house she told my wife and I that we had Bronchitis. Yeeaaaah! Wow, what a bunch of laa-mos. We all just sit around coughing and blowing our noses and aching. Our son is definitely the nicest sick person you will ever meet. if he didn’t sound like a seal at the zoo every time he coughed and of he wasn’t burning up with fever, you might not know he was sick at all. My wife and on the other hand continually just keep trying to take care of each other. We tell each other, “trust me…you are way sicker than I am”. it is a strange argument to have but not when you are completely in love. It’s funny because I haven’t been sick (other than the flu) and needed antibiotic in maybe five years. Now suddenly I have my prescription out on my nightstand and tell my self that the following morning I am really going to start feeling better. Deep down inside I know full well, just like every other time I have been sick..it takes a week. No matter how well you rest, get massaged, take vitamins, take hot baths…regardless…you are fucked for the next 7-10 days.

So, in review. We put the dog down last Wednesday and we have one pneumonia and two bronchitis…HAPPY HOUSE!!!!!!

I had to put my dog to sleep yesterday. Well, to be honest, I didn’t do it, the vet did. I always imagined, years ago, me holding my rotteiler in my arms whispering sweet things to her as the vet injected her and she drifted off into the beyond. Instead, I called the vet and said, (crying my eyes out) “Go ahead and do it”. I feel no guitl about not being there. In fact I feel relief. I saw the dog at the vet tuesday when I was scheduled to pick her up. As I walked her with the aid of towels to support her hind legs (at 12 years old had become very lame), she started to spray blood diahrea all over the floor of the vet’s office. Hmmmm. Do I put the twelve year old Rotty with blood spraying out of her ass in the car for the 30 minute drive home? Or should I wait a day. I waited a day. It didn’t get better. The vet told me that maybe her poop would get solid after friday and then I could bring her home. I told him, “Yes, but once I get her home she still wont be able to walk!” That was the end. The vet told me we were way past right or wrong with my dog…her name was Shirler. She was the greatest. Many of you met her or heard about her in my act. I put her to sleep yesterday and my house is very quiet. Too quiet.

Well, I landed at LAX around 7:10 this morning. I went directly from the airport to the Kevin and Bean studios. Those guys really do make me laugh. It wasn’t just because i was working on 2 hours of sleep either. I did some Tracy Morgan impressions and a little Chris Tucker and Forrest Whittaker. Basically, I am only impersonating black guys now.

Hopefully the radio spot will boost ticket sales and Thursday (tomorrow night) will sell out completely. I will keep my fingers crossed. I am going to go to bed with the food network on in the background for about five hours and then I will hopefully run off some of my gut.

By the way the plane we flew to San Antonio was smaller than my Escalade. My ticket said United but I think the plane was “Ted” Actually, it might have just been “Ed”. I slept as much as I could but I had to pee like four times and the only bathroom on the plane was all the way in the back and there was a line. At one point I seriously considered pissing in one of the airsickness bags. That would have been awesome.

See you either tomorrow or later today.

jj

When I told my wife that everything is bigger in texas, she said, “why do you think I came with you?”

My show went great, standing ovation and everything. Tommorow my flight leaves San Antonio at 6am…when I land, I go straight to Kevin and Bean’s studios for an interview to promote the Irvine Improv….I love Kevin and Bean and they have always taken really good care of me and they certainly help sell tickets. I will now get my 2 hours of sleep before my 4am wake up call.

I will check in tommorow and tell you how radio interviews go while jet lagged.

Cheers,

jj

Greetings from Texas!

Everything is bigger in Texas..especialy your disapointment at the weather when you walk off the plane. Isn’t Texas supposed to be in the DEEP SOUTH? Shouldn’t it be warm? Not today. I landed in San Antonio this morning around 11am and the rain and the wind had the mercury right around 45 degrees. Blech. I am here in San Antonio for a corporate show. I feel VERY lucky to have a few corporate shows on the horizon considering this writers’ strike is not going to be solved anytime soon. My flight out of LAX was at six in the morning..that wasn’t a typo…six am for a flight to San Antonio…That means my wife and I (we always travel together) had to wake up at 4:20. ha ha ha ha…4:20 for a 6am flight. I didn’t mind so much. I sleep on an airplane like someone chloroformed me from behind in my seat… my wife always jokes that if comics get insomnia, they should have airplane seats put in their bedrooms.

My bride and I both had some awful flu this weekend. The kind where you cannot control which ened of your body is going to shoot stuff out of it. My son had bronchitis this weekend too. All in all, we were a lovely family to be around. Thank God the new house has more than two bedrooms! Yikes.

I will try to write later and let you all know how the show went.

Jay

I did a joke this past weekend in Brea California about blacks not tipping. Well, this fellow took offense. He sent me the email below. I like how his name is super royal and African and it turns out he is from Rancho. Check out the amount of qualifications he has laid out for me in his email in order for his waiter to get a tip. My favorites include not wanting to have to wait to be seated and demanding that the payment envelope be placed in his hands. I found this guy hilarious. I thought you might also. Please tip your wait staff people!!!! To: jay@jaymohr.com From: Nabil Al-Sharia Sent: Saturday, September 22, 2007 1:34:13 AM Subject: Re: Blacks I heard your routine this morning on Adam`s show and it pissed me off. The part of your schtick that did it was when you said blacks don`t tip. Let me explain something to you. Most blacks don`t tip because they get bullshit service, mostly from white fucking people. Now, I tip (maybe because I`m partially African-Amerikan) when the service is good. What`s good service? Good service is when the waiter promptly seats you and your party, comes back as soon as possible to take your order, tells you about any specials, asks (not axe) if the kids needs booster seats, quickly re-fills coffee and water and goes over the desert menu, after checking if everything is okay. Now, I not tipping when I wait longer than I should to be seated and ordered, have to ask for water and coffee, waiter has a bad attitude, doesn`t check on my party and instead of handing me the payment folder, puts it on the table. So in closing, why don`t you mix in the historic lousy service that “Blacks” get in resturants into your routine. Nabil Al-Murabit Rancho Park